I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
