How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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