It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
