ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
