How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
