im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
