Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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