WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
