Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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