I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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