hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
