so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
