I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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