Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
