Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
