he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
