so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
operation harelip BJ is a go
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
