Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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