I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
