Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
