You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
