I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
