wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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