Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am puke
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
