Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
