You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
