We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
