I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
