sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize