The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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