i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish there were birth control emojis
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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