Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
