I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
