1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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