How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
