I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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