Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
