Is it normal to miss your booty call?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
