so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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