Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had sex on a roof
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
