we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
