I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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