I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
