you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my being single is dangerous.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
