Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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