In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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