apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
