well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
