hotel room ftw
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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