after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
