I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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