So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
