He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
