are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
