Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
