is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
