If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
