He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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