but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
