I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
