You're completely useless in the revolution.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
