Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
