i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
