At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
