Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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