his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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