Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
