Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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