They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
