Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
